How do I get the girl?
by Ti-Jay
Summary: No longer a one shot. Jane's POV. Set during her recovery at home.
1. Chapter 1

Tell me something… why do we always fall for the one we can't have? For the one, who's the sweetest, and looks through innocent eyes, when you're the darkest fucking thing in comparison.

I see her smiling at me. I see her gestures of warmth, and I can't seem to get through this fog. Something's changed in me. Something I've fought so hard to keep safe, and now it's gone.

I always knew taking on this job would be difficult. Would be hard. I was the 'glass half-full' kinda girl, y'know? I told myself, I'd get by, that I'm tough enough, I'll work hard enough. But it seems I've finally met my match and life's gone and thrown me out on my ass.

I look at her, all pretty and delicate, and refined, and I know something's changed in her too. That what happened to me has happened to her. Has touched her. My pain has touched hers. I wish we could get through this together. I hate this. I'm so fucking tired…

* * *

><p>"Jane…"<p>

I can't stop staring into space. "Hmm?"

Nothing. She says nothing, just sits and waits. She's good for me, y'know. So good. I wish she knew how much I need her. Need her patience, need her pause. The quiet flicks my brain back into the room. I look up. "What?"

She smiles.

"I asked if you wanted some lunch?"

"Oh,… no," I shake my head, "Sorry, not hungry."

Once again, we're left with silence, neither of us knowing what to say, or how to break into each other's thoughts. We just sit, and breathe, and stare. Watching images of the mundane, flash back across the room at us from a giant coloured box.

It's all around us, y'know… recycled proof that everyday life goes on, without you, regardless of what's happening to you, what you feel, or who you've touched.

I wanna touch her, soft and tenderly, but I can't. I'll never be able to feel her like that.

* * *

><p>I remember what <em>it<em> felt like. The sudden jolt to my system, shock to my body, before falling to the ground. It hurt. Hurt like hell. Not immediately, but when my brain caught up, it sure as hell did. I remember her face, her eyes. The grip of her hands, holding on for dear life. For my life. I love her, and I can't tell her… cause she's dating someone, someone else… someone who's not me. Fucking Slucky. Fuck you Slucky. You lucky bastard.

* * *

><p>'… but when she lowered her beautiful dark eyelids they revealed more of her than was in her eyes …' (Natalie Clifford Barney)<p>

Whose eyes are those? Could be mine, could be hers. All I know is that I'm worried about her. Something's not right. I've never seen her like this. So withdrawn. I feel like she's hiding something, but I can't be sure. Fucking mind! I just wish it would work properly, get me out of this haze of drugs, confusion… heartache.

I wanna know her. Know what she is now, who she is now. And so I try.

"Maura?" She looks up. "You'd tell me if something was bothering you, right?"

Her eyes drift down, her focus firmly on the floor. "Why do you ask?"

"I…" C'mon ass, think of something! "I just want you to know, is all. That if you wanted or needed me to… I could be there for you."

She swallows, straightening the material of her dress. "I'm fine, Jane."

"Okay… but, just so you know."

* * *

><p>It's late… and what the hell is that? It's woken me up. It's my damn phone. "Hello?"<p>

It takes me a while, but then I hear it. "Jane?"

"Maur? Is that you?" All I can hear is her breathing, and it doesn't sound right. "Baby, are you allright?" I've never called her that before, but it felt right. She sounds so fragile. It's her undoing. She cries… so completely but softly, she cries. "Maur… come home, please?" I don't catch the depth of my meaning. "Come home, baby…"

"I can't… he's here." She gets herself under control. "I'm sorry… I woke you. I'd better go…"

"No!... no… please… don't hang up." I can feel adrenalin pumping through my veins as if I'm chasing down a perp. But this is so far from that. This is something else… "Just… talk to me, okay? Tell me why you're upset."

I wait, and she sniffles and sighs, and then its quiet, "It's nothing…" she whispers.

And I suddenly feel like my old self, and go with my gut. "Is it him? Did he do somethin'?"

I leave out any and all accusation from my voice. I just wanna know what's wrong, hear her say it, so I can fix it.

"He… " But she can't. She's holding back.

"He what, Maur?"

"He was rough with me, Jane." And there it is. "I don't know if he realised it, but…"

"How rough?"

"He was… we were being… intimate… and it hurt. So I told him to stop…"

"But he didn't." I fill in the gaps where she can't.

"No… no, he didn't."

We sit in the knowledge that it's come to this. Her locked away in her bathroom, hiding from him but drawn to me; and me, stuck in my bed, permanently shackled to my bedclothes. I feel helpless.

"Let me send you a cab? You could still come home?"

"I am home, Jane."

"I know, but… I want you here, with me, in mine. Please?"

A breath escapes fast from her lungs. We're in a horrible state. "What do I do? I can't leave… I…"

"You can do whatever you want, Maur, if you're uncomfortable. Come here. Be with me. Just for tonight, so you can think, … so you can grieve..."

"I grieve about you every day…"

"I know," I've seen it. "I'm sorry … but I'm here…"

"You haven't been…"

Another chunk of time rests heavily between us and I wait. I wait for her decision.

"I'm here for you, I told you that… I need you, Maur… We could just… be, y'know? Just, be together, you and me… look out for each other…"

"I don't know… "

"I don't care if I have nothing else in my life that's good, I just wanna have you, Maur. I need to have you…"

I don't know if it's enough. I feel like it'll never be enough. I'm not enough.

"Send the cab… I'll be with you soon."


	2. Chapter 2

Hi everyone, thankyou so much for your reviews. This story was more a tentative step to see how my writing would be received, so your praise has been heartfelt. :) As a lot of you have asked, I've written a little bit more. I have a few ideas of where this can go, so I might try for another chapter after this one. (Will see how I go, I'm not used to writing in the first person!) This is short, but still, let me know. Love to hear your thoughts.

And of course, sadly, I don't own R&I, only the words below. Cheers, Tj xx

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><p>She's here. She's with me. She came. Somehow I managed to run her a bath while I waited. Don't ask me how, without falling in, but I did.<p>

This is hard. She couldn't look at me when she entered. We barely spoke. She's sore, I can tell, see it in her tension, the way she moves, the way she walks. Fuck! How could he do that?

I'm sitting on the couch, just waiting. Crap walking stick at my side, hoping she's okay in there alone. Hoping she's not crying. I asked her to let me sit with her, said she could hide under the bubbles, but she wouldn't let me. She's in shock. Poor Maura. I guess she's never had to run from someone like that before. Never had to start a car still locked safely away in your garage when the one you're trying to get away from is inside. Hence the idea of the cab. Been there, done that. Rarely works without confrontation. Goddamn, my head hurts. I wanna sleep, but I can't. Not until she's out here, til I have her next to me. Safe.

I put my head in my hands. It's more difficult than I'd like. Can't reach up with my right hand yet, not properly anyway. Core muscles have turned to shit. Shredded by the bullet I put in me. Idiot!

I can hear her. Guess she's finished. I look up; pretend to watch nothing on the tv, hoping she'll speak to me this time. I need to know she's allright.

I feel the cushion shift. See her sweatpants and shake of her hands, so I rest mine open, palm up, on her lap. Please… take it.

"You okay?" I sigh in relief when her hand fits into mine. I see her shrug.

"I'm okay," she reconsiders, "I'll be okay."

That's more likely.

* * *

><p>It's been 20 minutes of quiet and I'm trying not to stare but I still haven't seen her eyes.<p>

"Jane?" Her voice is soft, and tired.

"Yeah?"

"Can I … rest my head in your lap?" And finally, I see the truth of it. Her eyes are red, and strained. She's pale.

"Sure, you can."

"I don't want to hurt you…"

"It's okay. You won't."

I shift further to the side, and she waits patiently. Then I have her hair splayed out on my crotch, and my hip. I run my fingers through it, gently brushing it together in a line down to my right, along her back. I love her. I love her cheek resting against my thigh. Her hand holding on to my knee. My head spins, and I shut my eyes, lowering my head some. Pass, you little fucker… just pass!

"Am I hurting you?"

She must know. My hands have stopped.

"I'm okay," I manage, but she tenses. "Sshhh, babe, I'm allright." My eyes are still closed, locked in a tailspin, but I rub her back. Multi-task Jane, multi-task. She curls, and she calms. It's nice.

"Has he done this before?" I open my eyes. The colours are bright.

"No." She shakes her head.

"Has he ever done… anything else? Y'know, that you're not comfortable with?"

She sighs. I'm not sure she's going to speak.

"He just… says things. Disrespectful and hurtful things. Called me a mere pathologist when I worried for you."

"Asshole." I go back to playing with her hair. "I'm glad you came. Would've been worried about you all night." Can't help saying it with a breath of a chuckle. It's a defense. Can't help it.

"I couldn't stay there," she whispers, "Not when I needed you."


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you so much for your reviews, story alerts etc. I'm chuffed! I try to achieve a certain rhythm or flow in my writing, and this sometimes makes me over work it. I hope I haven't done so with this one, but it's possible. (It's taken me a lot longer to write than the first 2). Anyhow, please let me know... Tj. x

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><p>A brush to the face startles me awake, and I hear her voice.<p>

"It's okay, it's just me."

I ease back and relax, see her sitting along side of me.

"You need to take your pain medication. I'm afraid it's a bit late. We've overslept."

"Oh… okay, thanks." Attempting to move proves a challenge, and I grunt from the pain of it. "Help me up?"

She nods, standing, one arm moving behind my back, while the other pulls on my left side, gently. I focus on getting my balance right, finding my center of gravity amongst the pillows. She sits back down and cradles me, holding me in place. I'm wrapped up, and it feels nice. I only wish I could enjoy it, but instead I'm hiding in the crook of her neck like a baby, panting in her shadow. "God, this sucks." I'm pathetic. This poorly put together body of mine. It's never felt so sore in its life… freaks me out.

She offers me the pill, and again, I'm amazed by its size compared to its impact. Tiniest damn pill I've ever seen. I notice something as I take it. "You're dressed. You going somewhere?"

"I have to work."

The pill is gone, the glass discarded, and she has me again; cocooned within her arms. "Do you have to? Don't you don't wanna rest some more?"

"I slept well, considering… the way you looked after me last night, having you beside me, well, it was very soothing." We take some time to adjust to god knows what. There's something tender settling between us. "I want to stay, I do… but I have to finish a report for Korsak." I deflate, and I'm certain she feels it. "I'm so grateful to you, Jane." She holds me tight, and sways some. "…Thank you."

"No thanks required, Maur…" I want to drift along with her touch. "… You'll come back, right? Keep me company?"

"Of course. I have a doctor's appointment, but I should be back by five…"

Wait. What? I pull back. "Are you allright?"

Her skin flushes, but its not of the good kind. She admits it's a gynecological appointment.

"Maura…" I trace the line of her necklace against her collarbone. "I'm so sorry he hurt you. Maybe… you should think about…"

"No, Jane, I can't…" She shakes her head. "I don't want to involve the police, our work colleagues, in my private life. What's happened has happened. I just want to pick up the pieces now, and move on."

I acquiesce. There's nothing else I can do about it. It's her decision to make. We say our goodbyes, and after lying down I feel her kiss on my cheek, and then she's gone.

Alone. Yep, that's right. Just stupid ol' me, left with broken bones and troubled thoughts. Ugh… I think about what happened last night… trying to work out if it means anything... if any of it means what I want it to mean, the closeness, the cuddles; the comfort. Yeah, we've shared the same bed before but neither of us has clung to the other like we did last night. It was a reprieve for both of us, our issues shifting away from center stage for a while… but it hasn't satisfied me in the way that I'd like. I'm concerned. Worried about her. Worried she's hiding something more. Worried he's done something before and her being a gentle heart just hasn't recognised it. Christ, just the thought of it!

We shared the same pillow, all night. I woke up with her fingers tangled in my shirt, pulled clear off to the side, revealing my skin, my shoulder. That's when I felt it, her breath tingling against my skin, her cheek resting upon sometimes. It was nice. It was peaceful.

"Ugh, stop it…" Talking alouds the new thing of mine, "Get outta bed, Rizzoli."

* * *

><p>The toilet and the bathroom are my enemies. Too much cold concrete and hard tiles. Too much focus required to stop me from falling on my ass. Takes me an hour to get through my routine, only to finish up lying on the couch. I'm out of breath, out of shape, and I hate it. I can hear them now. 'Not the smartest thing you've ever done, Rizzoli.' "Yeah,... good one."<p>

* * *

><p>It's early still… least I think it is. So, how come I can hear her voice?<p>

"I'd like you out of the house before I get home…" She talking to someone? "No, I'm not discussing anything right now. Don't mistake my call as a request to see you. This is merely a courtesy… it is _my home_, and you don't get to hold it at ransom by staying where you're not wanted. If you've understood the gravity of this situation at all, you will be gone before I arrive…" Feisty. "… no, that's enough! You have 30 minutes. Goodbye."

I feel her hand on my face. It startles me. "What?"

"It's okay, honey. It's Maura."

She's cute. Makes me smile. "Hey, Mau-ra," I tease. Delirious, me.

"Hi Jane, how are you feeling?"

"Like I got cabin fever or something… that and my eyelids are fifty pounds too heavy, I can never seem to wake up."

"It's okay, sleep is important, your body needs it." She ignores my whining. "I have to run back to the house to collect a few things before my appointment. I thought you might like to come with me. It's a beautiful day outside and I think sun will do you good." Sounds heavenly. "I suspect getting downstairs and the motion of the car might be a bit much for you, so how about we agree to you staying inside the car while I run inside to get my clothes. I don't want you getting nauseous and over doing it."

"Okay, I'll behave, Dr Isles." This gets me a smile. Love those. "Hey, how come you're back so quick?"

"I finished what was required. It didn't take me as long as I thought it would."

"Uncharacteristically off par?"

"You be quiet. I'm allowed to be."

"Yeah, you are…"

"Good god, what is that?"

I look across at the tv, and laugh. "Well, what-da-ya know? A new re-run for me to obsess over… I believe, Maura, _that _is Xena, warrior princess." The character's namesake just threw a fish at her sidekick, Gabrielle. "Ah, I love this episode. It's a good one."

"Hmm, must be the drugs."

"Hey! I heard that!"

"Oh, you did?"

"Yeah, that's right, little Miss Innocent!"

"Well, perhaps I should leave you here…?"

"No, no… don't do that. Just gimme a minute. I'll go freshen up." I move and hear her giggling at my enthusiasm. "Shut-up!" I'm laughing. It's hard to walk when I do that.

"Be careful, Jane." Aw, she cares.

While I'm high as a kite, I can move. It's when the drugs wear off and the body pains that I'm screwed.


	4. Chapter 4

He's here, the fucking gall! I can tell she's upset about it. Seeing him was the last thing she wanted.

"Wait here…" Before she can leave the car, I grab her.

"Don't let him fool ya, okay? If he can do what he did to you last night, he's no good..."

"Don't worry, Jane. He's out."

Before I can respond the car doors slamming and she's charging at the door. All high heels, windblown hair, Maura style. I'm in awe. Go beautiful!

* * *

><p>I'm sore… and I fell asleep. Dammit! The pains creeping in. Some fucking good I am. Slothing about in her car… her very neat, tidy, luxurious car. I contemplate pushing some buttons but then I see him, flying out the front door. He's not happy. No… he's seething.<p>

I can see Maura now. She's in the doorway, looking stoic with her arms crossed in front of her chest. And he spins, giving her a hard time. Can't hear the words but see the mask she's wearing. Time to move.

I shove my door open and yell. "Hey Slucky!" Fuck the pain. He's looking. "You watch your mouth and anything else you're thinking of doing! You're on my radar, pal!"

I see the slightest flicker of a smile on her face, but have to focus on Mr Huffy passing me by.

"Stay out of it, Detective."

"Afraid I can't do that, Doc."

"You've no right sticking your nose in my business…"

"Oh, I have every right. You so much as do a drive-by and I'll have every traffic cop tailing your ass the minute you step outside."

He knows he's lost. "Get yourself another specialist." And storms off.

"With pleasure..."

Too easy. He may have saved my life, but I'd still shoot him if I could get away with it.

* * *

><p>"You shouldn't have done that, you know?" She's cuddling up to me on the couch. Her appointment went well. She's feeling better. Reassured.<p>

"Done what?"

"You know what. Man-handle the car door? Yell at Byron? The pressure on your diaphragm alone…"

"I used my foot, Maur… and that little prick had no right making you feel uncomfortable in your own home. What else was I gonna do? Sit back, and do nothing? Let you deal with it on your own?"

"You think I couldn't handle the situation?"

"What? No! I didn't say that!"

"Stop… stop…" She's holding out her hands like she's directing traffic. "You're going to hurt yourself, you're getting agitated…"

"You're damn right, I am! You're accusing me of…"

"I didn't mean it!" She palms my chest. "I didn't mean it like that."

Ugh, man, now we're just taking this shit out on each other. Great.

"I'm sorry." "I'm sorry."

Ha! Funny. I should say 'SNAP!'

"Maur… I'm protective of you. You know that."

She's tired, resigned; twists her head against my shoulder. "You could've hurt yourself…"  
>"But I didn't."<p>

She looks up. "I don't believe that. The degree of damage to your muscular and skeletal structure…"

I reach across, pinching her chin, making her stop. She's right. But you know what?

"If it costs me anything to protect you, I could _give_ a damn. You're what matters to me. You're all I've got."

"But, your family…"

"Is not here… is falling apart." My words hit her like a shockwave. She thought I didn't know. Well, guess what? I'm a detective, and even if I'm running on vapor alone, I can still read my family. "You're my constant, Maur…"

"Jane…" Tears, I see tears, and feel my own building along side with hers. "I'm so sorry, I… I didn't realise Angela had spoken to you."

"She hasn't… but that doesn't mean I don't know."

"Oh, Jane…"

And yet again, we're clinging to each other. Worn out, and emotional. I never wanna get shot again. Trust me. It fucks you up.


	5. Chapter 5

Hi everyone, :) thank you to those of you who did review last time. Gave me a little shock as I only received 2, but I realise some prefer to read only. Anyway, a little note of encouragement never goes astray. So, if you're up for it, I'd love to hear from you. Here's some more. Cheers, Tj.

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><p>It's been 3 weeks since Slucky made his exit, and things between us have changed. There's no more cuddling, no more comfort, and I can't help feeling like we're back to square one.<p>

I can handle Maura's need for reassurance has waned, but something else is going on. She seems distant… worried about something, something new, and I can't for the life of me figure out what.

At least I can focus some. Being off my meds during the day helps with that. God knows I still hurt, my body feels like its on fire sometimes, but mostly, during the day, I can cope.

And here I am, feeling the breeze in my hair, giving me chills on my skin, while I stand, the closest I've ever been to the precinct since… I feel odd… exposed, but I know if I don't start getting out that feeling won't go away, and I need it to… for my job… for me.

I see her now. Invited her to lunch... and seeing her sway grounds me. Her image alone, soothes me. But I know she's feeling the fall out, from everything that's happened and more. I see the wrinkle in her dress, her bare skin, lack of make up. Time was I'd never see her outside without it. I smile, remembering when she slept at mine because of Hoyt, staying in her wrinkled dress all day and how fidgety she was… and here she is again, a similar state, only a little paler than before. She's beautiful… beautifully sad.

"Wow..." She smiles as she reaches me. "Look at you."

"Yeah, I know, thought I'd surprise you, give you a distraction from being holed up in the basement."

"It's lovely, and you look wonderful."

Damn, I'm blushing. "Yeah, well, that's only cause you haven't seen me in the sun for a while. C'mon, let's get inside."

We've ordered, have our drinks, and her eye-line shifts between barely looking at me and staring. Wish she'd stick with the latter.

"So," I begin, "How you been? Feel like I haven't seen you in a while."

"I'm sorry, its just work. Everyday I have workmen on sight and everyday they seem to leave more of a mess than actually fixing anything."

"I thought the repairs would've been finished by now?"

She shakes her head. "No, I keep having issues with my equipment… today they're blaming the building's electrics." She sighs. "I don't know… strangely enough I don't care… everyone's behaving as if nothings happened. As if the bullet holes are mere anomalies in the paintwork… but I ..." She shakes her head again. "It doesn't matter."

"It does matter…"

"No, it doesn't. They don't have to care, Jane. They just have to fix it. Pack it in and paint over it… it's just my mind isn't cooperating by doing the same."

I still her hands in mine. "It not that easy, sweetie, it's going to take some time."

"I know…"

We're interrupted by our food. I lose her hands; she takes them back to eat her food.

"He's been calling me again."

"Who, Slucky?"

"Yes."

I tighten up at the sound of his name. "What does he want?"

"What do you think?"

She gives me a pointed look, and I feel nuts. "Maura, you can't possibly be thinking of going back…"

"No, I'm not… of course not. It's just…."

"What?"

I'm waiting... how long do I have to wait here, honey? "Maura…?"

"Forget about it. Let's just enjoy each other's company and our lunch, okay?" And there it is. That sweet little smile, marred by a fakeness I've never encountered. That's reserved for others, not me. What is happening?

"I think we should talk about it now, actually."

She gives me that agro little wiggle of hers, and trust me, it'd work if it weren't so damn adorable. Ugh. "Fine, but we're talking about it later."

So we sit and pretend, like everything's normal. Just two buddies catching up over something to eat. Only no-one is speaking, or eating for that matter, and it feels like we've been doing this for weeks.

"What'd he say?"

Nothing. She's not happy.

"C'mon, Maur, what'd he say?" Still nothing. "I'm not dropping it, so c'mon, out with it."

Big sigh. "I think he feels bad…"

"Well, he should."

She's quiet now, processing. Processing what? "He said that I… that we..."

She's internalising, not talking. I don't like it.

"Baby, look at me." I know, I shouldn't call her that. "Why won't you talk to me? What's he saying that's got you so spooked?"

And now I've done it. I've just gone and made her cry. _Dammit!_ One thing I know about Maura and her tears, is she hates them. Fights them so hard sometimes it only makes it worse, and now seems to be one of those times. I grab the arm of a passing waitress and ask her to box up our food to go.

"What? Jane?"

"It's okay, sweetie. C'mere." I get up and pull her into me. "We're gonna continue this back at my place, not here, okay? I think it's time you remembered how to lean on me for more than one night."

I feel her squeeze, bury her head against my chest. It's a good sign. "Let's go work this out, okay?"


	6. Chapter 6

I needed to thank you all, so the best way to do that is to write when I can. So here's some more. I'm not aiming for drama, just realism, and I hope you like it. Sorry it's short but it kinda wrote itself. Please, please, please review. Cheers, Tj.

(To those of you who've already read, sorry! Found a mistake I couldn't live with. For those who haven't yet, please, read on. Thanks!)

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><p>She's near but we're not touching. Walking through the streets to get her car. She's fragile, I can see that much, but she's not giving anything away.<p>

We reach the corner of the station. Dammit, don't look up. Don't look up! But I do. Stupid! I can't move. I'm stuck… Ha! My feet are fucking stuck in the concrete. It's all coming back. NO! I don't want this!

I hear the pop… feel my chest, fills with heat. I can't breathe… Fuck! I can't breathe!

Something grips onto me. I palm my chest. What the _fuck_ is _HAPPENING _to me?

"Jane… It's okay… honey, you're okay."

Yeah, right. The hell I'm okay!

"Jane, listen… I need you to listen to my voice." She's clawing at me. I feel it tight around my biceps.

"Maur…" Who is that? "Maur, can't breathe…" That is NOT me!

"I know, honey, but you have to listen to me… you're fine, everything's gonna be okay." My eyes close as she surrounds me. I feel her close, and bury myself into her hair.

"Help-me…" Oh god…

"It's alright, I've got you, Jane… It's Friday… " What? "That day was a Monday, sweetheart… and we… we've just come back from a failed lunch on my part… I was upset…" I can hear her tears. "… and you helped me… and Bobby Marino is dead..." Pure venom. "… he's dead because you killed him… but that was then and this is now… and you're fine, Jane… You're fine and Frankie's fine… you're safe..."

My chests tight, but it's getting easier. I can hear the street sounds above the pulsating rush of my own blood… pay attention… focus, Jane… I feel her coat trapped inside my fingers, seams are hard, I rest my head on it.

"It's okay, honey… just breathe…"

Okay… I'm trying…

"I'm sorry." The words choke me. My eyes are still shut.

"It's okay, sweetie… sshhh … it's okay…"

My knees have buckled underneath me but I won't let them give way. She's holding me up. Dammit! Take a breath… take a breath, Rizzoli, and get your shit back! I pull back on my weight, stand with my head down, caught in my arms. I'm still clinging to her. God, Maur… I'm sorry!

"Just… gimme a sec."

"You're fine, Jane" She's beautiful. "… you're doing fine."

"Thank-y… thank you…"

It takes a while… I open my eyes, and pull my head up… my fingers are destroying her jacket, her arms are against me, matching mine. "I'm sorry…"

"Please, don't… don't be sorry…"

I can't look at her. I'm embarrassed.

"I-I should've gone the back way… I'm sorry, I didn't think…"

"It's okay…" I'm breathless. "I'm okay, it's not your fault."

"It is my fault…"

"Maura," I look up and prove my point. "It's not your fault, baby. The shits just coming back to get me, that's all." I give her a smile. "Would've happened sooner or later."

We stay together… we rest… what a pair.

She moves so we're touching, a dual pillar of strength. We'll get there… we'll make it.

"I love you." Shit!


	7. Chapter 7

Hey, thanks everyone. I loved your reviews!

'lovering' I hope you're still with us! As promised I've worked quickly to restore your nerves. ;) Hugs!

This is the longest chapter so far, but I couldn't work out a way of cutting it back or cutting it in half so you get to read it all at once. (I've re-written this so many times, I only hope it makes sense! I'm not a fan of hysteria, and was trying to stay close to Jane and Maura's characters.)

Anyways, I hope you all approve! And please, let me know what you think, just a few words. It keeps me safe from my own insecurities.

Tj.x

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><p><em>She moves so we're touching, a dual pillar of strength. We'll get there… we'll make it.<em>

_"I love you." Shit!_

* * *

><p>She grabs me. Holds me tight. My hearts pounding and after a while I feel her shift. She's looking for something in her purse and I make to move but hear her whisper, "No, it's okay, stay where you are," and so I do. My heads on her shoulder, burrowed into her. I hear her voice...<p>

"Yes, Lieutenant? This is Dr Maura Isles. I'm afraid I won't be available for on call assignment… as of now. I have to take some leave… Well, for the weekend at least… I realize it's short notice but quite frankly it can't be helped. I'll have Annie arrange for Dr. Kelpo to cover… yes, thank you for your understanding. Goodbye Lieutenant."

I'm released, but her arm remains loose around my waist. She sends what I imagine to be an email to her assistant. I feel odd, like a child, the way she's looking after me. "Maura, you don't have to…"  
>"Actually, I do…"She puts her phone away, and brushes my hair from my face. "I need this, Jane. I need time with you. You said I could lean on you, and barring what just happened, I still feel that I can… I want to."<p>

I nod, lean into her a little. "Well, can we go? I'm not really enjoying being an emotional wreck in public."

"Of course." She picks up our takeaway bag that's been discarded during my melt down and hands it to me, squeezing my hand reassuringly. "Let's go home."

We walk together, still very close. "Pity I can't drive yet. I miss driving that overpriced car of yours."

She just shakes her head, and smiles.

* * *

><p>We get back to mine. Exhausted. It's nearing 3 o'clock and I can feel the pain in my right side. I sit on my couch, cautiously, and she notices. Dammit.<p>

"Here…" It's my little pill.

"No… just gimme the Forte instead, that'll wipe me out."

"Jane…"

"No, I'll take that one tonight, I promise. I still wanna be able to talk to you."

She's not looking at me again, and it doesn't bode well for my hopes. Guess she's not looking forward to that part.

"Fine, but you're wearing the heat pad, and no arguments."

"Ugh, fine."

The heat pad… it ain't no little mini wheat bag you pop in the microwave, no. It's a frickin electric blanket for your back! I hated it at first. You have to strap it on, plug into the mains. Makes you feel like frickin Frankenstein. It's restricting, but right now, I guess I'll put up with it… I'm mighty sore.

"Here… sit forward." She straps it on while I have a whinge. It's how I work. I should feel it through my shirt soon enough. "Take these." Gives me two pills and a glass of water. Hehe, she's the good wife.

"Happy now? I'm all strung up like a damn Christmas tree."

She laughs.

"And I'm hungry."

"Well, I guess I'd better feed you then, too."

I put my feet up on the permanent pillow on my coffee table. Took her a while to accept this set up. 'Feet don't belong on tables,' she said… but in my place, sometimes, they do. I feel her next to me, the cushions shift. Feel the heat begin to ease it's way into my back. "Mmm…" Feels nice.

I shove my fork into my lettuce, squishing it to get it in my mouth. "Mmm… yummy." Yep… that's the drugs too. The combination of Pain meds and heat pads always makes for a gooey Jane. She laughs.

"You're so easy."

"What?" I flash her a look.

"You're easy… easily pleased."

"Oh, right… _sure_, that's what you meant. No innuendo there at all."

"Jane…"

"Nu-ah!" I wave my fork. "Just admit it, Maur, that was finely laced… and I know every time I put this damn thing on you just wanna cuddle up to my little hot bod."

More laughter, and god, how I love that sound. "I won't deny that I'm happy with my purchase. It has been very beneficial for us both. And besides, I like a good cuddle as much as the next person."

"Well, what are you waiting for, don't be _shy_… c'mon, get over here."

"No, not yet… after we've finished eating."

She's a real proper girl, is our Maur.

* * *

><p>It's been 3 hours since we got home, and of course I fell asleep. But I wasn't the only one. She's practically snoring on my left side. Ugh, when I think of all the bad stuff I've thought of, of late… images of my body still bleeding… waking up to check in the hopes it wouldn't be wet with my blood. It never was, but my mind would imply such a sense of hopelessness, a defeating fatigue making me wish I could just let go… but then I wouldn't get to see her. Wouldn't get to live to hear her voice.<p>

I rest my head against hers; our shoulders are locked. She's breathing into my neck, and it's a wonder I would've missed if I'd gone through with anything.

Shit… I told her… I told her and she didn't say it back. What the hell does that mean? What am I gonna do now? This is awful.

"Hey, wake up, Maur." I nudge her gently. "Baby, wake up."

"Mm… Jane…?"

"Yeah… can you wake up? I need to talk to you."

She breathes deep and makes herself sit up. "Okay." She's cute, childlike, as she wakes.

"I'm gonna make us a pot of coffee. You get those sleepy eyes awake, okay?"

She nods, running her hands across her face. I ease my way up and over to the kitchen. The pain's a breeze now. It's on a level I can deal with. "Thank god…"

"What was that?"

"Nothing, just thanking the gods, is all."

She stands, smoothes her clothes, straightens her hair out. "For what?"

"For breathing." I laugh.

She comes, rests against me, putting her arms around my waist from the side. "I'm thankful for that too, Jane."

Hm, I know… I close my eyes. "Over usage of name."

It's something I always tease her about, but I know she only does it when it's important.

She nudges me. "Be quiet."

I stare at the cups and smile. We stay tangled. It's now or never.

"You heard what I said…" I whisper, "… You heard me say 'I love you,' right?"

She stills. "I did."

"Do you understand what I meant? ... How I meant it?"

Before moving away she hides, briefly, under my neck. "I think so…" And then she's gone, and I'm about to break. "You think so?"

"Jane… there are some things I need to talk to you about…"

I turn away, and bring out the defense. "It's okay. I get it. Forget I said anything."

"No, I won't do that."

"Look, just forget it Maur. You obviously don't feel the same…"

"Don't do that!"

"Do what?" I stare at her.

"That defensive interruptive stance you always take when you think there's a possibility of getting hurt! I am not going to hurt you, Jane. In fact, it's quite the opposite…"

"What?"

"I'm a mess… my mind has been going in circles for weeks. Replaying the same thoughts and problems without any kind of resolution." She sits on the stool by the counter. "As much as I'm scared to do so, I need to talk to you about it."

"Is it about us?"

"Yes… some of it… the other, is just about me."

I finish our drinks, and park my stool next to hers and sit.

"So, what's going on? What is it?"

"God, Jane… you've been so good to me, so open about your feelings… and I… well, I've been the exact opposite."

"What?" I'm dumbfounded.

"I have feelings for you… feelings I've never felt so strongly for anyone else, let alone a female… I never really credited their impact before now, until Byron said a few harsh words the week before I ended it with him."

Son of a bitch! "What'd he say?"

She exhales. "Several things actually…" and looks up. "He said that the way I spoke of you, which is endlessly, apparently," Makes me smile. "… he accused me of being intimate with you behind his back, and then after proving him wrong, of abusing you."

"What? You could never hurt me, Maura."

"I know that… at least I think I do."

"What the heck does that mean? I don't get it."

"I had to explain and reassure him that we've never had relations with each other. It took a while and some convincing and it surprised me… he seemed so certain. And once he understood I was being truthful, he accused me of hiding my feelings and of taking advantage of you."

"He's one to talk."

"Yes, but maybe he's right."

"You're not like him, Maur…" My arms cross. I'm angry at him, not her.

"Jane…I've looked after you… I've helped you dress, and bathe… use amenities…"

"God, don't let me forget that." Go sarcasm.

"I'm sorry… but, what I'm trying to say is that I've seen you intimately, and all the while I realise now, that I felt like this, and that I kept it from you."

"So?" My hands flail. "So what?"

"So, it was wrong of me! To put you in a position of vulnerability without you knowing the whole truth. In reflection, Byron was right, I never gave you the opportunity to decide what you were comfortable with, and had I known then, to be able to inform you, you wouldn't have let me…"

"You're making assumptions, Maur." This is bullshit.

"I'm not."

"No, you don't think? How bout this? If I had _known_ you felt the same way, I never would've let you leave my bed!"

"You can't say that. You don't know that for sure."

"I can!" I hold her hand. "I needed you, Maura. I was messed up! I still am, but… I would've wanted you with me. I love you, don't you get that?"

"But I saw you Jane! I looked at you!" Her grip on my fingers is hard. "And you were so fragile…" Makes me cringe. "…so beautiful… but I shouldn't have..."

"I don't care, Maura. I don't."

She studies my face for certainty, then takes a sips her drink, staring at it.

"He laughed at me... at the thought of us…"

"Yeah, well, he's an ass... and he's got reason to make you feel crap about it. He's the one missing out."

"Studies have shown that when people experience traumatic events they feel a significant emotional connection to those who have survived with them. It's a co-dependent relationship. It's unhealthy, and I'm worried that… "

"That is not us, Maura. That's _not_ what this is about."

"But how can you know that?"

"Because I know! Look, I've felt this way for a while…" Ugh... "C'mere…" I turn her so she's facing me, put her legs between mine. "Why do you think I never left you open to him? I stayed between you and Marino the whole time so if he got any more _stupid_ ideas you'd be the furthest away from his sight. Taking a hostage was his only way out. I knew that. And I made sure that _that _someone was me."

"No..."

"Maura…" She gets up and steps away, facing me.

"You don't get to do that, Jane! You don't get to put yourself at risk because of me!"

I pull her back while standing. "I had to, you understand that? Because I felt this then too!" I pound on my heart. "I felt it, Maura! I was just too chicken shit to tell you!"

"Well, I don't want you to get hurt for me! I can never approve that!"

"I know, baby!"

My voice softens, as it always does when she cries. "But what happened to me wasn't your fault."

I don't stop wiping her face.

"And whether or not you copped a look at this tragic body of mine when you were bathing me, I don't care. I never knew about it. I was wiped out on drugs, remember? And he is the _last_ person you should be listening to about us. He doesn't even know me. I've been unconscious for months."

She leans into me and I wrap my arms around her. She grabs onto my shirt.

"I tried not to but some of the things he said rang true… I used him for comfort when I only wanted you, and I used our relationship to get closer to you… more than I should."

"That's bull, Maur. Well, at least most of it is. And hey, I give you permission to do anything right now. You can see, and do, whatever the hell you like."

She pulls back. "No, no, I can't. Not yet."

"Why not?" She's killing me, here! "Because I'm putting my heart on the line for you Maur! And now you're saying you want to, but you won't? I mean, what kind of bullshit is that?" I can't yell at her. Stop yelling at her! I can't help it. "You gotta help me out here, I'm running outta steam! I mean, what the hell is so wrong with being with _ME?_"

Ow! Dammit! Shit, that hurt!

I'm doubled over like I've been hit by a barrel. "God!" Not now!

"Oh my god, Jane…"

"No!" I put my hand out. "You're not helping me… because right now I need answers, Maur… I need to know what's going on in that big brain of yours… cause for the life of me… I can't figure it out…" I'm breathless, and if it wasn't for her hands flying to her face I'd say that sob I just heard, ripped outta me, but I'm wrong. It's all her, and it's gut-wrenching.

She breathes deep. I can feel the tension grow as she tries to fight it.

"I'm sorry! I don't feel like myself, lately! I'm untethered..." She removes her hands and stares at me. "He saw things in me, Jane... dysfunction, obsessive compulsive tendencies…"

"Oh, Fuck Slucky and his fuckin bullshit! It's been a hell of a year, Maur, and you're not immune to that!" I straighten up but it's hard. I point away from us. "You know I'd shoot that sucker right now if could!"

She pauses as if to consider it, but waves it off. "No…" It's so Maura.

We stop, and try to collect ourselves.

"It's true, though." She hugs herself, looking down. "I can't leave the house without triple checking every lock. I need to know where Bass is at all the times for fear he's injured, and I can't stop looking at you to check for blood… For gods sake, I'm fulfilling the role of female hysteria. And I hate that!"

I smile, sympathetically. I understand. Ever the feminist, is my girl.

"I'm _talking_ to myself, Jane." She points at herself. "I have _never_ done that before."

I'm laughing now. "Jane!" I move over and caress her face. "You're just messed up, sweetheart." She shakes her head, her face grimacing as it finally becomes too much. She cries so hard I practically have to hold her up. I hear a muffled, "Genius can lead to insanity, Jane. There have been documented cases…"

"Sshh, baby, you're not insane. And you wanna know something else? I've been doing a little talking to myself too, ever since I got outta hospital." She's gone quiet. "Yeah, me and Jo Friday have real long conversations… last week it was all about haloumi cheese. I saw an ad on the telly and I swear to god she told me it tasted like crap." She chuckles, yay! "Every time I'd fall on my ass or trip over my cane, I'd tell her to shut-up cause I'd swear she was laughing. I could hear her saying, 'nice one ma, real graceful, you're so talented.'" I give her a squeeze. "You're not insane, Maur… You've just got a big ol' brain that's being as hard on you, as mine is on me. We're recovering, and it's a god-awful, shitty process."

"You're right. It is." She's so adorable right now, all teary and washed out. We take a good look at each other and laugh.

"And I can't _tell_ you all the things I'd like to do to his head, right now."

"Me too. Maybe we could use those fantasies to help aid our recovery."

I smile; brush a hair away from her face. "Maybe… but as much as I'd like to hurt him right now, I'd much rather be fantasizing about you, you know, if I'm being perfectly honest."

She laughs, and hides against me.

"Maur?"

"Mm?"

"Can we go lie down?"

She looks up. "You're ready for your little pill, aren't you?"

"No, not right now… but I won't say no, when it's due."


	8. Chapter 8

Well, it looks like this fic is for my darker days. *sigh* Why do people have to be such ##'s? I ask you. Anyways, I wrote some fluff to clear my thoughts. Hope you don't mind reading it, not real sure it's any good, lol.

A BIG 'thank you' to those of you who reviewed the last chapter of Intimate Details. I will be responding to them soon. I loved ALL of your reviews. Life has just been getting in the way. :)

I'm not sure how much more this story will give us, but I'm not quite done with it yet. Hope you're still up for reading it. Thanks, Tj. xx

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><p><em>Previously:<em>

_I give her a squeeze. "You're not insane, Maur… You've just got a big ol' brain that's being as hard on you, as mine is on me. We're recovering, and it's a god-awful, shitty process."_

_"You're right. It is." She's so adorable right now, all teary and washed out. We take a good look at each other and laugh._

_"And I can't tell you all the things I'd like to do to his head, right now."_

_"Me too. Maybe we could use those fantasies to help aid our recovery."_

_I smile; brush a hair away from her face. "Maybe… but as much as I'd like to hurt him right now, I'd much rather be fantasizing about you, you know, if I'm being perfectly honest."_

_She laughs, and hides against me._

_"Maur?"_

_"Mm?"_

_"Can we go lie down?"_

_She looks up. "You're ready for your little pill, aren't you?"_

_"No, not right now… but I won't say no, when it's due."_

* * *

><p>It's late. Open my eyes to the blue moonlit haze of my room. I can feel her behind me, nestled in against my back. I wanna see her face, and attempt to move.<p>

"Ah! Sssss... shit!"

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah I just twisted too much."

She palms my side and I love her for it.

"You're crying."

"Am not."

"You are." Her voice is gentle, it's not teasing, but I so don't wanna cry at this point.

"Shut-up. My eyes are just… leaking…"

"That's the same as crying, Jane."

"Shut-up!" She knows I'm hiding. We wouldn't be so good together if she didn't. Damn glorious woman. I shift and the mattress hugs me squarely, supporting my back. "It hurt initially, but I'm alright… I'm not cryi..."

She stops me with a kiss. I'm short of breath.

"Umm…" I look at her. "What was that?"

"It was a kiss" I can't stop from smiling.

"A kiss, huh? … You want our first kiss to be you stopping me from making a point?"

"It was just a peck."

"That's still a kiss, Maura. Our _first_ kiss."

"Jane."

I know, I can't let anything go.

"Is your pain gone?" Her hand on my side starts moving in small circles.

"Can't be sure… I'm kinda distracted."

"Oh… Well, would you like a little more distraction?"

"Hell, yes."

And then she's kissing me... again, on my mouth! Oh. My. God. Her lips are on mine... her perfectly soft female lips are on mine… _Oh! _I open my mouth and move to caress them. I can taste them. Oh Jesus, Mary and Joseph, just let me die right now, cause I have _never_ felt like this before! "Mmm…" oh Christ! I think I just moaned. She's giggling. Giggling! I pull back.

"Hey! Don't' laugh!"

"I'm not!"

"Well, what were you doing? Cause it sure as hell sounded a lot like it to me…"

"I was…" She's at a loss. "… I was just expressing…"

"What?"

She's got nothing. U-huh.

"You were giggling."

"No! It was more than that!"

"U-huh…" She's cute under pressure.

"I've been so... frustrated! With myself! With these feelings I have for you and my lack of courage in acting upon them… call it what you want, but it wasn't giggling."

She's sulking now, hiding behind her hands. She brushes her hair back reminding me of her standard. "Pent up sexual frustration, perhaps?" And I hold my breath in the hopes I'm right.

"Combined with feelings of extreme arousal," she mumbles "... and finally getting what I've wanted... who I've wanted... for so long."

Oh... oh, I'm smiling now. "Who you've wanted?" She blushes. "... for sooo long?" And takes a dive, face first into the pillow.

"Soo... _I'm_ what you want, huh?"

She nudges me. "Shut-up… but, yes… but you know that!"

And now I'm giggling… and blushing… and fucking laughing so hard at her cuteness I begin to cramp up. "Ow! Dammit, I'm so sick of this mess I call a body!"

"Oh, Jane..." She rubs me again. "Honey, sshh, its alright… Let me get you something."

She kisses me quickly while I'm groaning and races off. God I could get used to this. I just hope that time gives me a chance to do so.

* * *

><p>She's back, and my eyes are glued shut, my muscles sore. "Here, put this where it hurts most."<p>

This time it's a heat bag. A small one so its light and heated it up just right.

"God, that's good."

"It kind of serves you right, you know?" I open one eye just enough to see her smirk.

"Shut-up you." And then her fingers run through my hair and I feel kisses on my face. "Mmm…I like it when you do that."

"Do you?" Her voice is soft, comforting.

"M-hm… you used to do that with my hair when I was in the hospital."

"You remember?"

"Course… only time I ever felt safe… having you round… made me forget about all the needles and tubes, and the pain."

"Aww, Jane."

"Quiet…" I say, with a smile. "I swear there's something about you that's like truth serum. Makes me blurt out all kinds of sappy stuff."

"Well, I don't mind having that effect on you."

"Yeah, well, thankfully it only happens with you and no-one else." Her hand pauses mid caress. I open my eyes. "What?"

"I just wish I'd spoken with you sooner about everything… about us." And then she resumes.

I reach out, taking her hand away from its duties, lifting it to my mouth and kissing it. "Well, you have now… and besides, I was pretty fucked up. I wouldn't have been much help to you to be honest." I see her wince at my language and apologise. "I'm sorry… forget to censor myself sometimes… these pills… they... make me pretty dark."

"How dark?"

I can't look at her. "Don't wanna talk about it."

"Jane... please?"

"Another time, Maur. I promise." I look over to reassure her.

"But… are you okay? You're not thinking of…"

"No… No. Not now." I squeeze her hand. "You're too important for me to do anything like that."

"More important than before?"

"No, I mean... I didn't know that you would… that you could feel the same way… I was just messed up and… it was all I had."

She rests her cheek against mine and whispers, "I'm so sorry baby… I didn't realise you were battling with that." She can't say it and neither can I... can barely believe I seriously considered it, once. I'm teary, and mean to ignore it.

"It's fine, don't think about it…" Swallow it down. "... and hey, get back on top of me. I like it. Keeps me warm."

"It doesn't... I mean... I don't have to worry about you, do I?"

I give her an emphatic, "No... now come on."

"I don't want to hurt you..."

"You won't. I'm not that fragile anymore. I just have the odd tick and spasm... much like a damn eighty year old would, but thems the breaks."

She lies down fully on her side, leaning against me, and we're back to resting on the same pillow. Her nose is buried against me and I feel her lips mold into my neck.

"Mmm…" Screw hiding it. This is what she does to me. I can accept that.

"Is the heat bag enough?"

"M-hm… it is for now."

"Well, wake me if you want your little pill. Sleeping with someone might cause you additional pain."

"Nuh-ah… you never cause me pain... and I wanna be aware of you... for every waking part."

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><p>Please review. xx<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

To Gentry, wercomingup and especially vickstahhh for reminding me that this one was worth finishing. Thank you!

And although this is a final chapter, I am hoping to do a sequel at some point, so please keep an eye out if you're interested.

Cheers,

Tj. :)

Ps. Any mistakes are mine... got a little hung up on the words this time, lol.

* * *

><p>We've had a beautiful few days, and I feel so much lighter. She feels the same. We haven't done much more than kiss and cuddle, watch tv and catch some air when we're up to seeing other people's faces. She's struggling with herself a bit, as am I, but we're working on it, and we're good.<p>

She's in the bathroom, and I can see she's having trouble exiting. She's washing her hands too much, folding towels that don't need to be folded. But I get it. She needs to soothe herself. Remove the agitation that's deep inside… it's something I can relate to.

I watch her run through the process of order, hoping to keep the bad away… I feel it... having the same itch running through me, it just doesn't have it's claws in as deep.

I go and stand behind her, quietly. "Maur…" She freezes... guess she didn't think I'd notice.

I release the towel from her hands, giving her something else to cling to, and wrap her up in both of our arms.

"You're okay, sweetie."

"I'm sorry…"

"Sshh... it's okay."

I rest against golden locks, and kiss her. She cries a little, and I don't try to stop her._  
><em>

"Come rest on the couch with me."

She rests against me and I feel her nod.

* * *

><p>We settle... my backs cradled by the couch, and her body's against me. <em>Christ, she feels good.<em>

"You okay?"

I know she's embarrassed about being caught in a compulsory tendency.

"I'm sorry I get so restless." But we both know it's not about that. It's about control, and need, and taking action.

"It's okay… minor ticks don't worry me, you're fine." I stroke her back and warm her face with my own, but she's quiet. Too quiet. "It's okay, Maur… I get it…"

"I just feel so stupid…!"

"Well, don't… C'mon, you're not the only one who's a little odd. I'm just not awake long enough for you to see all my own ingrained oddities yet."

She huffs, her breath brushing past my jaw. "You're just being nice."

"Well, I should hope so." I pull back and try to draw out a smile. "Isn't that what I'm supposed to do for my girl? Or is there somethin' you're not telling me?"

"Jane…" She looks at me, giving me clear warning.

"I'm just sayin'…"

"I'm with you…" She hides against me. "I'm utterly overwhelmed, but I am with you."

"Good, cause I wouldn't have you any other way, ticks and all."

"Ugh..."

She hits me and I give her an extra squeeze because of it. "Don't worry baby, I think it's meant to feel this way."

And there's that noise again… she's crying. I don't say it anything. I'm guessing she needs it, and in some strange way I need to feel it. I've been so closed off, so out of it and _not_ present… but with her, right now, I feel every emotion she feels wash through me.

"Sshh… it's okay... you're just tired."

"But I should be taking care of you!" Her voice is strained.

"Hey! We're gonna take care of each other… while I'm good I've got you, and when I feel like crap you can carry me, okay?"

She moves to look deep into my eyes, making me hesitate. "What?"

"So long as you tell me when you're in pain… will you do that for me? Promise me, Jane."

I nod, and match a few of her tears with my own. Damn, but this is all so intense…

She kisses me as a reward. _God, how I love those lips…!_

"Tell me you'll never get sick of that…" I breathe as we part.

"I don't believe that's possible, sweetheart."

"What, that you can't say it, or that you won't get sick of me?"

"Jane…"

"Sap, remember?" I point to my chest. "Which, by the way, is your fault…" I point at her.

She laughs, and lays her head on my chest.

"Ah... still waiting..."

"What?"

"Oh, c'mon, Maura… say it!"

She laughs again. "Okay, calm down, detective…" And pacifies me with her hand, palming my chest. "I can assure you that I will never get sick of kissing you... _or_ touching you."

I close my eyes as her fingers brush across my breast. And then I hear it.

"In fact, I wish you were more healed so I could enjoy you more thoroughly."

"God… Maura…" I need to see her, and brush her hair away from her face. "Kiss me…"

_Mmm… _"Don't stop doing that…"

"I don't want to…" she pants and plasters herself to me. I can't bare the thought of her stopping but she does. "But I have to…"

"No…don't…" I try to hold on, keep up the momentum regardless.

"Jane, your injured…"

"But I'm healing!"

She kisses me one more time before resting in the hollow of my neck. "I know sweetheart… but you're not healed... you're not healed enough."

_Damn it!_ I want to yell, and a low growl escapes me… I know it's not her fault but... "Fuck…"

"It had crossed my mind, yes."

And now I'm laughing. "You are a bad girl, Dr Isles." And needing my fingers into her side.

"Stop it! Jane!"

"Again… your fault!"

"No!" She's laughing so hard her little heads gonna fall off, and the pleasure I feel at the sound almost makes me forget I'm so aroused... almost… She grabs my hands, pushing upwards, aiming to force and hold them above my head... _Not a good idea baby_… and a sharp pain rips through my side, proving it.

"Ah shit! Stop… stop!" I try to catch my breath as she lets go, quickly.

"Oh my god, Jane."

"It's okay… " Now I'm panting for other reasons. "Not your fault."

"How can it not be… I…" She starts examining me. "But you should have more range than this…"

"It's okay, just gimme a minute."

"No, no, it's not okay… I thought you were going to your physio appointments?"

"I have been…" And I can see her brain ticking as we speak.

"But that means there's been minimal improvement since you left the hospital."

"No, not minimal! I've improved lots! I can weight-bare on it now, and lift stuff."

She gives me a look. "Like what kind of 'stuff'?"

"Groceries…?"

"I highly doubt that."

"Light stuff!" _Oh man! Why'd she have to be so frickin' smart!_ "And… and I can lift a full kettle when I'm making coffees…"

"Show me your range of movement." She's not gonna leave this. She's determined. _God dammit!_

"Maura…! I just can't get my hands far above my head, okay? That's all!"

"Stand up for me."

She gets up and I have a whinge about it. _Well, wouldn't you?_ This is _not_ what I wanna be doing.

"Can't we just go back to what we were doing?"

Her eyebrows raise in challenge.

"Really? Ugh... damn it!"

"C'mon, Jane, it'll be over in a few minutes. Just let me examine you properly, please?"

"You can examine me on the couch…" _Preferably, using your hands!_

"Jane…"

"Don't patronise me, woman! Just tell me what you want me to do." I huff.

She takes me through various movements and it's clear I'm pretty limited, more than she was expecting.

"Okay…"

"Okay, what?" And flop back down on the couch.

"You need an MRI to determine if your restriction of movement is due to internal scar tissue or whether there is an additional unknown factor. The damage to your external and internal oblique abdominal muscles was extensive, including the latissimus dorsi and the serratus anterior, both of which effect movement of the upper arm and shoulder blade."

"So what are you saying?"

She sits beside me. "I'm suggesting that unless we address this as soon as possible your movement will always be hampered, and if that does remain to be the case then your life will be irrevocably altered from your injuries."

_I know what that means. _"Don't say it." _The days of calling yourself a 'Detective' would be over._

I feel her touch my face and she kisses me. She moves to hold me, and I don't mind hiding this time.

"I'm so sorry..."

"Don't... don't say it." The air is thick between us.

She speaks softly knowing I could break. "If I make an appointment, will you allow me to be with you?"

"Are you crazy?" I look up and see anxiety written all over her face. _Oh, babe… _"How can you possibly think I could do this without you?" She sighs in relief.

"Good." And there's that smile… beautiful. "I'll make it soon."

"Fine, but I'll be wanting the reward I'm missing out on today!"

She laughs. That's better.

"We'll see, detective."

* * *

><p>It's dark out and the tv light flashes in my eyes. Thought I heard something...<p>

"Janie, what's going on?"

I blink. _What the? _"Ma?"

Maura stirs. We're both lying on the couch, with me playing mattress to Maura's bodyweight.

"Sshh…" I say for my girl, and signal the same to Ma with a finger held to my lips. I point to the kitchen and thankfully, she moves away.

"It's alright baby. I just have to check on something. You rest… okay?"

I slide out and coax her back to sleep. My body aches as I get up. Need a new couch… or maybe we should just relocate to Maura's. After all, hers is big enough to call it a bed. I chuckle and follow Ma, rubbing my side.

"Hey, Ma…"

"What's the matter with Maura? I thought we were meant to be havin' dinner tonight?"

"Oh, shit… sorry, I forgot." I run my fingers across my brow.

"You both look so tired… is she doing okay?"

Ma doesn't know the full reasons behind Maura's break-up, but she knows that something upsetting happened.

I sigh. "She's fine, Ma. She's just… struggling after the shooting and everything."

"Aren't we all…"

"Yeah…"

I take a breath. I've gotta tell her. "Listen, Ma… I've gotta tell you something, and… you may not like it."

"What? Are you okay? Don't tell me you over did it again…"

"No, Ma, it's okay…" I put my hands out to quiet her. "I'm okay… sort of…" I take another breath. "There's no easy way to say this…" And look towards Maura. "I love her, Ma…" There... "I'm in love with her." It was easier than I thought.

I feel her hand on my arm and she pulls me closer… studies me. "Are you sure?"

My mouth quivers. _Don't cry..! _ "Yeah… yeah, I'm sure." And then I'm embraced so completely I feel like I'm five again. "Thank you…" I whisper through tears. "… thank you for not hating me."

"Sshh… I gave birth to you, baby girl, you know better than that." She pulls back, and wipes my tears. "You know you should never be scared of telling me things, besides, I can kind of understand it… I love her too, in a motherly sorta way."

She winks and we both chuckle.

"I'm sorry I forgot about dinner."

"Don't worry about it… never mind that I've been cooking all day…"

"Ma…"

"Or that I had to go to the grocery store... Janie, you should really learn to answer your phone..."

Her hard work starts being removed from the cooler bag. She's on a roll and so are my eyes.

"Never mind that I had a craving for Nonna's rigatoni and eggplant that sent me on a mad search through all the boxes YOU never unpacked for me like you said you would..."

"Ma..!"

"… or that I had to let myself in and wake you up for our own dinner date!"

"Ma, c'mon, you'll wake Maura!"

"I should hope so…"

I turn and grin at her sleepy little face.

"Here she is! Come here young lady, I made dinner and I refuse to eat it alone!"

Ma cradles Maura to her and I can't help but smile. I mouth, 'She knows,' while gesturing between us and Maura sparkles with delight.

Something's changing. I can feel it. I have challenges ahead involving my health and my work, but I also have two wonderful women who've fought so long and hard to love me. I think I'll treasure this moment forever... cause I've just finally realised that after all the shit that went down on that terrible day, I'm still here. I'm here and I'm loved like I've never been loved before.

It's gonna be hard but... finally, everything's gonna be okay.

* * *

><p>I know it's that last chapter, but please leave me a little review. Please? :) xx<p> 


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